What to Expect When Moving in with Your Partner

Moving in with your partner is such a fun and exciting chapter in your relationship, but it’s not all rainbows and butterflies. And I’m a firm believer that everyone should go into this journey fully aware of the realistic, not-so-fun things that come with moving in with each other. Because the more you are aware of these things, the better prepared you are to deal with them as they come.

            While moving in with each other is exciting, it is a big change in your life and in your relationship, and you should be prepared for those changes. You will learn a lot about yourself, your partner, and your relationship. But everything you learn is a chance for both of you to grow and evolve as people. It’s a beautiful journey of personal and relational growth if you’re open and ready for it.

As a side note, if you’re not ready to take a serious look at yourself and try to grow for your partner and your relationship, maybe re-evaluate whether or not you’re ready to take this next step. I don’t say that to be discouraging, but it’s a blunt way of saying that you need to be open to growth, because if you do this, you’re on the fast track my friend.

1.     Expect to Have Growing Pains

The first thing you need to keep in mind is that there will be growing pains when you move in with your partner. You haven’t lived with them at this point. You haven’t shared your space with them yet. You haven’t combined your life with them. I don’t care if you spend every single night with them. You haven’t officially had to combine your stuff and share one home yet. There are still so many small habits and mannerisms that you haven’t even learned about them yet, but you’re about to.

It can feel, at times, like you are dating a completely different person now that you live with them. That trash that was always empty when you went to their apartment starts to pile up a little bit more. That sink that was always clean from beard hair, now is full. The video games they played on nights you didn’t see each other, now sometimes get played on nights you want to hang out.

This isn’t uncommon, and none of these things are negative depending on the extent. But you need to keep in mind that to this point in your relationship, you both present certain versions of yourself while you’re with them. It’s easier to hide your bad habits when you don’t live with someone, and as soon as that lease is signed, they’re going to come out.

Allow your relationship time and space to adjust to these new versions of each other you’re meeting.

2.     You’re Going to Get Annoyed with Each Other

It’s just the truth. When you share such an intimate space with someone and are around them so much more, you are going to get annoyed. And that’s okay! Personally, I love having my own quiet, peaceful space, and I had to learn how to share that space with my boyfriend. I love that we get to share our space now, but it did take a minute to get used to having him there.

Also, remember those little bad habits I mentioned before? Yeah, those are going to annoy you so much more now. It’s going to take time to get used to the little mannerisms that we all have.

You’re also spending more time together! And spending more time with someone means you might get a little annoyed with them from time to time. It’s okay to recognize that and take a little space from each other. Just make sure to recognize it for what it is. It’s not an issue with each other or with the relationship. It’s just a fact of life, and it’s totally normal.

3.     You Need to Learn How to Live with Each Other

This seems like an obvious one, but you need to be prepared for it. You’ve been living your life in your space one way. And your partner has been living their life in their space another way. You need to learn how to live together and adjust to finding a new standard and way of living together.

Maybe you like coming home from work and kicking off your shoes at the front door and throwing your keys on top of the counter. But maybe your partner likes to keep all clutter hidden and keep the house tidy. You might need to get in the habit of putting your keys in the bowl and your shoes on the shelf. Or if the roles are reversed, you need to communicate with your partner about where they put their stuff away when they get home.

Additionally, you need to give each other time to adjust to the new standards while also holding your boundaries. This one is a balancing act, truly. You need to find a way to give grace, hold boundaries, and not be a nag. All of this can be accomplished through healthy communication. Which, if you’re planning on moving in together, you hopefully already have.

4.     You’ll Need to Have Grace and Patience

This goes off the previous point, but it’s worthy of a callout of its own. Because while you are learning how to live with each other, you need to have patience and give grace while you are working through the learning curve. You aren’t going to ask your partner to be better about putting their dishes in the dishwasher right away and have them do it perfectly immediately. If their habit is to leave their breakfast dish in the sink before work and then clean it when they get home, it’s going to take time to change their habit.

Additionally, as I’ve already said, you’re going to get annoyed with each other. And with that annoyance, you’re going to need patience. There are going to be moments when you’re annoyed for no other reason than being annoyed, and you need to be able to take a breath and give your partner patience. They’re human, they’re learning, and they’re giving you patience as well.

Plus, moving in general is very, very stressful. Moving is a lot of work and it’s very tiring. There are a million things to do before you have everything you need for a new space and get totally settled in. That in-between period is not fun at all. You both are already going to be stretched thin while also trying to learn how to live with each other.

Give each other grace and give each other patience.

5.     You Need to Have Your Own Space

I cannot stress this enough. You need to have your own space in your new place together! It can be a little reading nook, or your own desk. It can be a whole office. It can be a corner of your bedroom. But you need to have a spot in your home that feels like it’s your space.

I understand that rent is expensive and affordable, big apartments are hard to come by. But even if you are living in a tiny one-bedroom apartment, it can be done. I know this, because I did it! When I moved in with my boyfriend, it was in a 500sqft apartment, and it was not at all easy to establish our own spaces in that place. But we made it work, and you can too!

6.     You Need to Have Your Own Identity

This is true for any and every relationship whether you live together or not. I’m just including it in this list, because it’s easy to lose yours when you move in with your partner. You need to keep up with your own hobbies, friends, and interests. You still want to be your own person with a partner who is also their own person. Then you guys get to come together and complement each other.

Being your own person and having a strong sense of self allows you to maintain perspective on your relationship and will keep it stronger in the long run. Two strong individuals who come together and love each other at the end of the day will always be better than two people who don’t know who they are outside of their relationship and are completely dependent on their partner.

Having two individual identities will ensure that your relationship stays healthier in the long run, and it will make you both feel more fulfilled in your own lives and your relationship.

7.     Decide Your Boundaries on the Division of Labor and Stick to It

This is so, so, so important!! It is far too common that the brunt of the household labor falls to the women, but men are fully capable of keeping up with the house and the chores as well. Household labor doesn’t have to be exactly 50/50, but you do need to discuss how to fairly divide the labor.

For example, I tend to handle more of the daily chores because I work from home while my partner has a 45-minute commute both ways to work. So, I make the bed, lightly pick up, do a load of laundry, and cook every day. However, once he gets home, he does the dishes from dinner and takes down any trash or cardboard we have. He also helps clean every weekend.

This division of labor didn’t just happen. I’m sure if I had just moved in and done everything, he might not have done as much as he does now. I mean who wouldn’t want all the house chores to magically get done while we relax? I know I sure would. But I wasn’t interested in living with someone who wasn’t willing to be a partner, and he wasn’t willing to sit back and let me do everything.

But it did take time and communication to hold to the agreements he made. Just because he agreed to do the dishes didn’t mean he wouldn’t try to leave them over night from time to time even though doing that left me feeling like I was going to bed with a dirty house. And going to bed with a dirty house is not something I can do!

The division of household chores will look different for every couple. You two need to figure out a routine that you’re both comfortable with and hold each other to it.

8.     Decide How to Split Household Items in Advance

Moving in together means potentially buying a bunch of new stuff too. I’m about to give you piece of advice that might go against what other people have said and might seem a bit negative.      

Don’t split the cost of things 50/50! Each of you should be responsible for individual items.

You can still find a way to make the expenses relatively even. Just make an excel sheet, figure out the cost of the things you want, and split it in a way that’s fair. I say this because while it’s so exciting to be moving in, and you believe that you will be in love forever and ever, relationships do end. Trust me. I’m writing this right after my best friend called to tell me that she and her boyfriend that she’s been living with for the last two years broke up.

Obviously, none of us think that our relationship isn’t going to work out if we’re moving in with someone we love, but the truth is that not every relationship does. So, in the event of the thing that we don’t want to speak about happening, having a clear-cut idea of who bought what will make everything so much easier in the long run.

I know this might feel like preparing to break up, but I just truly do think it’s better to do this now so that you don’t have to deal with it later just in case. I also feel this way about buying items when moving in with a friend. I just think that each person should be responsible for their own items.

9.     You Need to Continue to Set Intentional Time with Each Other

You are about to spend a lot of time together, and it’s easy to equate all that time you spend together around the house to spending copious amounts of quality time together. It’s so comfy and so easy to stay in and hang out on the couch and watch a movie instead of going out. It’s easy to get caught up in house projects and forget to prioritize going out at all.

But even if you’re living together, you are still dating. Even when you get married, you should always be dating! It’s how you continue to keep your relationship a priority in both of your lives. So even though you’re going to be spending so much time together, don’t forget that you need to set intentional time to be with each other. You need to set a side time every week or every other week to go on a date.

On that night, get ready, pick an activity, put your phones down, forget your list of to-dos for the house, and focus on your partner and your relationship.

10.  You Are About to Have So Much Fun!

And don’t you forget it! Living with your partner should be like having an endless sleepover with your best friend! It won’t be all rainbows and sunshine 24/7 but getting to see the person you love every single day, getting to wake up to them every morning, and falling asleep with them every night is so amazing. It’s truly one of the best experiences of your life to move in with your partner and to take that next step towards a future together.

So don’t forget to cherish each other and cherish the space you now get to share. This is such an exciting chapter in your life, so ENJOY IT!